20 Golden Rules
by BetterThanYou. JK
Summary: On a strange day, Esme snaps at all the craziness, deciding to let everyone make 20 rules for each. Deleted and moved to different account. "Previously one of the most funniest Twilight stories."
1. Chapter 1: Enough is Enough

**This got deleted, so please review when you're not either reading it, or re-reading it. My goal is 1,000 reviews for a story! Hopefully, this will be that story! Please review it, and I hope you enjoy this. My mind gets very creative... LOL...**

**Chapter 1**

**Enough is Enough**

I watched Rosalie kiss Emmett on the cheek, then punch him. must have told some stupid joke in her ear. I laughed as hard as I could watching Emmett pout, and Rosalie kept punching him.

"Hey, Bella!"

Alice was jumping up and down, and I let out a confused look. She started running around the room happily, singing off tune. I laughed harder.

"Alice, have you seen my-"

Edward tackled him oddly and covered his mouth. Pretty soon, they were wrestling, Jasper smirking the whole way. I shrugged and watched Carlisle turn on some music. He started to dance strangely.

"Come on, Alice. I'll teach you how to dance."

I gawked at Carlisle as he was dancing to some old music. That explains Alice. I glanced back at Rosalie to find her holding Emmett by the ear like a little kid. I could hear her whispering to him, "...Not tonight, understand?! And if you ever do that in front of Bella again, I swear I will..."

I didn't hear the rest since I was laughing so hard! What a weird day! Back to Edward, who was getting a noogy from Jasper. Edward tried to get free, but struggled a lot. "Hey, Bella! Did you know that Edward-" Edward broke loose, and Edward was cupping Jasper's mouth. Looked like a dirty little secret was about to be out!

"Whoo! Go Carlisle! Go Carlisle! Go Carlisle!"

Alice's hair was a mess, and Carlisle was now dancing to some punk rock, which was very unusual! I gawked at them again. Pretty soon, everyone had stopped and started cheering.

"Go Alice! Go Carlisle! Go Alice! Go Carlisle! Go Alice..."

"Enough!"

I breathed in heavily as the only thing else heard was the music, which had started to go down in volume until nothing could be heard. I relaxed a bit. Everyone was so off today!

Esme had shouted that in the hall. She had snapped. Finally.

"What is wrong with you, kids? And Carlisle? Honey, are you alright?"

Carlisle shruggeed, "I'm fine." Esme nodded and looked at us again.

"Starting now, there's going to be some rules around here..."

**Please review this, for this took my time and effort! My goal is 1,000 reviews! Help make it happen!**

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	2. Chapter 2: Rules?

**Alright, guys. Let's go into 1,000 reviews! Please make me hopeful! This is going to be hilarious! You will be interested further... Sorry it got deleted! Thanks to Twilight-SVU-HSM-52, JazzyJasper, TwilightFanatic463, Swetlana, VampireAshes, Sarahgirl12, Anima Bella, and Gemma!**

**Chapter 2**

**Rules?**

Everyone was eyeing Esme like she was going crazy. She straightened herself out. "I can't handle days like this... so I will be writing down some rules! And I want these rules followed!"

Everyone started to groan. Just then, an idea entered my thoughts. It had been a weird day so this was a weird idea! I wanted to hold it in and listen to Esme, but if I didn't speak up, I would burst.

"What about each person writes someone else's rules?!"

It felt good to scream out my idea. Esme stared at me, and a smile hit the corners of her lips. She nodded in thought and in agreement so I was happy with myself.

"Interesting, Bella. You mean like write everyone's name down on tiny sheets of paper, throw them in one of Carlisle's hat, then whoever you pick out, you write down a set of rules?"

"Well, I hadn't thought of that, but sure."

"Alright. But noone can tell each other who they have until after the rules are down. And each paper has to have, let's say... 20 rules. Got it?"

Everyone nodded in unison, including me. Esme scurried off to get some paper and was back quickly, already tearing the paper into pieces. She scribbled something down on each sheet of paper and glanced at Carlisle.

"Honey, could you get your brown hat?"

"But that's my favorite!"

"Now would be a nice time to get it."

Carlisle groaned slightly and was there with a brown hat in his hands suddenly. Esme smiled and took it from him, dumping the pieces into it. Alice could burst out laughing any time now. Edward, Jasper, Alice, and Rosalie each picked out a piece. I took a piece as well, to find that I had to write rules for Alice! Revenge is sweet...

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	3. Chapter 3: Alice's List

**Alright, guys... We're getting closer to 1,000, but we need more reviews quicker, so please review as many times possible! Enjoy, because the lists have started!**

**Chapter 3**

**Alice's List**

Everyone was done with their sets of rules, including me. Esme was collecting them, and she was ready to read them aloud. She glanced at me.

"Since this was Bella's idea, we'll see who she wrote a list for. Who'd you write a list for, sweetie?"

"Alice."

Jasper was cupping in his laughter, and Alice was gleaming with a smile, thinking that I'd never write a bad thing about her, but I wrote twenty just like Esme had said.

_1. Alice must never take Bella shopping unless Bella wants to._

"What?!"

Everyone laughed at Alice's remark. She slumped back into her seat as she saw Esme eyeing her that way. I was happy with myself for that rule. Finally, some relaxation.

_2. No puppy pouting._

Even Rosalie giggled at that one. Alice just smirked evilly.

_3. No puppy eyes._

Alice's smile vanished, making me giggle along with Rosalie. She shifted herself in a launching position against Rosalie, and Rosalie suddenly became quiet. I just kept laughing. She couldn't to anything to me.

_4. No make-overs on Bella unless Bella approves... which in other words means, NO MORE MAKEOVERS!_

Alice ran out in frustration. Everyone gawked as her bedroom door had slammed shut. A muffled scream was heard along with, "Why did she get to write my list? I had to write-"

"Alice!"

"Oops!"

Esme stared at the door, and no sounds from inside were heard. "Hope you're hearing the remainder of the list, Alice." She glanced back at the list.

_5. You will not disturb Bella and Edward when Bella is trying to seduce Edward._

A muffled giggle was heard upstairs, but it was hard to hear when everyone was laughing so hard. By the look of Edward's face, if he was human, he'd be blushing.

_6. You will not ask CARLISLE to teach you how to dance._

A groan from Carlisle.

_7. You will throw away half of your shoes._

A shriek.

_8. You shall hunt with Rosalie, not Emmett._

Nothing.

_9. You will stop flirting with Emmett, and you will ignore him when he's flirting with you._

Rosalie punched Emmett. "I didn't flirt with her!" Alice appeared to be muffling the same thing. The door slammed open, and she walked sownstairs slowly into the room. She snatched away the list from Esme and ripped it.

"There's a difference between rules and secrets."

"Alice!"

The list was in four pieces, so Esme picked them up. "Alice, go get the tape!" Alice looked at her apologetically and was back quickly with the tape. Esme, soon, had a taped up piece of paper in her hands, and Alice was on the couch, hugging her legs.

"Alright, where were we?"

_10. You will only be allowed to kiss Jasper when no one's around._

Alice whimpered, I laughed.

_11. You will not be allowed to have an affair with Jasper when the others are around._

Esme chuckled reading that. Jasper scratched the back of his head, and Edward smacked him. Alice's face was buried in her knees, embarrassed to realize how many bad things she had done.

_12. You will ignore the visions about Bella and Edward unless asked to mention them._

Alice's face had lifted. She had been laughing the whole time!

_13. You will NOT be hyper at school. It makes us look weird._

"Don't you think that's enough, Esme?"

"No, we need all 20 for you, Alice."

Alice sighed.

_14. You will not wear that bikini at the beach, for Jasper's sake._

"But that's my favorite!"

Alice and Jasper had screamed it out together. They took a glance at each other and pouted. I stood up, "You guys know what happened! Next thing we know, you guys are behind an umbrella, and little boys are getting too close to little girls!" Alice and Jasper both slumped, and Esme continued.

_15. You will throw away half of one half of your shoes!_

Alice groaned.

"Enough, Alice! Let's just finish this list without anymore comments!"

_16. Your limit for the shower is 10 minutes, not 100._

_17. You will not buy a new clothing until you throw out an old one._

_18. You can only hug Bella when she wants a hug back._

_19. If you can not control yourself kissing Jasper when there are people in a different room, don't kiss him at all._

_20. You have to obey all these rules._

"Finally! OK, who wants to be humiliated next?"

Emmett raised his hand like an impatient fourth-grader, "I want to do my list for Rosalie!" Maybe, this wasn't the best idea. If it involves Emmett dressed in Rosalie's clothes...

**This is a long chapter. It took me awhile to think up all the rules for Alice! Please review so I can get 1,000 reviews!**

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	4. Chapter 4: Rosalie's List

**Alright! Time for Emmett's list to Rosalie! Keep the reviews coming until you guys hit 1,000!**

**Chapter 4**

**Rosalie's List**

Emmett put on Rosalie's clothes for effect. Rosalie was growling at him, but Esme told her to quiet down, so we could listen to Emmett talking, which made Emmett feel good about himself. Idiot.

"Alright, Rosalie has to obey all these rules!"

_1. No punching Emmett._

Rosalie was next to him, and she punched him. "What are you going to do about it?" Esme sprayed her with the window cleaner bottle. She shrieked in surprise, "I'm not a bad dog!"

"Well, you're close to it, so settle down, or I'll spray you again!"

Emmett cleared his throat.

_2. You have to listen to Emmett's ideas._

Rosalie growled, "That doesn't mean I'm going to agree with them."

_3. You are not allowed to pull Emmett's ear when you don't like his ideas. It hurts!_

Rosalie pulled his ear, and Esme sprayed her again. Emmett laughed like a hyena, and Esme sprayed his as well. "Behave!"

_4. You will laugh at Emmett's jokes._

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Wait, was that a joke?"

Esme groaned and snatched the list from Emmett, who was now mimicking Rosalie, by walking and shaking his butt at the same time. Esme sprayed him.

_5. If Emmett wants a french kiss, then you will kiss him._

"Actually, let's change that rule. If Emmett wants a french kiss, then he can make-out with my butt for all he wants!" I laughed at her as she stuck her butt out towards him. Esme sprayed both of them.

_6. You must hunt with Emmett, not Alice and Jasper._

Nothing.

_7. You have to kiss Emmett at least twenty times a day._

A muffled giggle filled the room, though I wasn't sure who it was from. Esme sprayed the room, and it was gone.

_8. You have to hug Emmett at least fifty times a day._

Emmett smiled evilly. I don't think a hug would satisfy him as much as the next thing would.

_9. You have to make love to Emmett at least four times a week._

"I think once every month will be enough."

Emmett groaned, but quickly covered, for Esme sprayed him. "What was that for?" She glared at him and glanced back the list.

"Let's hurry up with this!"

_10. You have to say, "Oh, Emmett! I love you!" everyday._

Emmett ignored Esme and mimicked a lovey-dovey face and got sprayed.

_11. You have to call Carlisle Gramps and Esme Grammy._

Gasps escpaed Carlisle's and Esme's mouths as Emmett burst into laughter. He held his stomach, fell on the floor, smashed into Jasper, and got sprayed mercilessly.

"Emmett, enough with the interruptions!"

_12. You have to call Emmett 'handsome' every day._

_13. You have to make love to Emmett at least FIVE times a week._

"Wha-"

Rosalie quickly shut her mouth as Esme glared at her.

_14. You have to tell every living thing in this house how much you love Emmett at least once evry day._

_15. You have to make love to Emmett at least SIX times a week._

_16. Bottom line, you have to make love to Emmett at least once a day._

"I'll start now!"

She got up and kicked him in the private, "There's today's love. Wait until tomorrow." He fell to the floor painfully, and Esme sighed, not bothering to spray her anymore. It wasn't helping.

"You kids are so off today."

_17. Ummm... follow the rules 1-4._

_18. Ugh... follow the rules 5-8?_

_19. Hmmm... I guess follow the rules 9-12._

_20. Follow the most important rule, which is sixteen._

Rosalie sighed in relief, happy that it was over.

"Who has Emmet's list?"

"I do!"

It was Alice?

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